Freedom

I get asked a lot how many pairs of shoes I have. In the grand scheme of things....I don't have that many. There are a fair number of shoes I have left at the store. Most of the shoes I have represent something different to me. I know....that is a lot to ask of a pair of shoes....but that it how I roll. The black and white pair are the shoes I bought for my Mom's funeral. The grey peep toes are the shoes I bought for my Dad's wedding to sweet Zeffie. The aqua pair I bought in the dead of winter while I lived Minnesota. A reminder that Spring really would come again. My newest shoes are a frilly, girly representation of my battle with my inner critic.....I claimed a victory and those shoes are the victory dance. While these shoes are beautiful and give this girl a much needed self-esteem boost....they cannot compare with the feeling I get when I look at (and wear) these shoes...... These shoes represent so much. I bought my first pair of running shoes just about 2 years ago. Back then my dearest friends were training for a 5K. Not a long race by any means....but for HH it seemed a steep goal. For me it seemed impossible. I was horribly out of shape and 20 pounds heavier than I am now. I mentioned that I was thinking about joining my friends for this race to a trusted person in my life. I valued their opinion and was looking for a shot of courage. What I got instead was, "You can't do that." Unfortunately, I believed them and didn't even try. I told my friends I couldn't run the race with them.....and I felt terrible about it. The next year they decided to run again. Dear Nae was going to try to beat her Half Marathon time and HH wanted to run a 5K with me. She thought I could, Nae thought I could.....I thought I could....So I began to train. It was slow going. I faced many set backs and trials. But I didn't give up. A big boost for me came when I was running on the treadmill one morning....in the training schedule I was set to run for 20 minutes, uninterrupted. I wasn't sure I would be able to do it. The person who just the year before, told me I couldn't, was there at the gym. Would I prove them right? Would I gut it out and prove them wrong? Well, let me tell you,I stayed on that stinking treadmill the entire time and even boosted up the speed for the final few minutes. You know what this person said to me? "Huh....I didn't think you could do it. I am impressed." While that felt good....it made me a little mad. Why had I given them so much power over what I thought about myself. I missed out on an entire year of training with my friends. I had missed out on an entire year of being healthier. When I crossed the finish line of my very first race....I was elated. I had run a 5K. No, I didn't have a very fast time. But I finished. I hate running....I do. Me and running might never be friends. But to me these shoes represent more than just running. They represent freedom. Freedom to do hard things. Freedom to decide what I can do. Freedom to try new things. To me, these shoes represent the courage to try. These are my new running shoes. They've never heard the phrase, "you can't". To these shoes, anything is possible. And so it is.
Note of clarification...My sweet hubby has always been supportive and isn't the nay sayer spoken of. Thank you. :)