Revenge of the Arachnid

Are you afraid of spiders? Is it actual fear or do they just creep you out? I'm in with the creeped out bunch....but I'm not really afraid of them. My hubby and sweet daughter hang over with the fear bunch. I am the spider killer in our house. It works out pretty good. Hubby is in charge of all things rodent and I take on the eight-legged predators. I like this deal....most of the time. We spray around our house to lower the spider to human ratio so that helps. But every once in a while we get one of the really big, gianormous house spiders. Those creep me out BIG time. Did you know they look very much like a hobo spider. In fact I have added a couple of pictures to help illustrate my point. I give you exhibit A......
And exhibit B.......
Can't really tell the difference can you. Me either. In fact the only definitive way to tell the difference is through a microscope. Bummer.....right! Well here we come to the story of my latest encounter with the spiders. I was minding my own business one morning when I heard a frantic cry for help coming from the garage. I raced out to see what was the matter and I found my sweet daughter backing away from the car she was supposed to be driving to the store for me. "I can't g g get in the car...." she stammered. I looked around for the cause of her fear and found a BIG DANG SPIDER that had crawled up the wall and seemed to be waiting to pounce on her. Well since I rarely have shoes on, I had to go find some instrument of death....I was in the garage so that wasn't a big problem. I grabbed a hunk of 2x4 and squished the spider into a heap on the floor. Jo got in the car and drove away while I went back into the house. I left the carcass on the floor as a warning to his friends and relatives.....Don't mess with Lori....she is B.A.
Fast forward a few days.....I was out sitting on the porch at dusk, it was about 65* and the sunset was beautiful. I was just enjoying the sounds of the neighborhood.....the kids playing a few doors down, the commuters making their way home for the night. I was peaceful, I was content, I was unsuspecting. When my rear was beginning to fall asleep I decided I'd better head in and start some dinner for my family. My sweet daughter was perched on the counter of the island, watching me assemble ingredients and we were chatting. I turned away from her toward the oven to get a pan from the drawer when I saw something moving on my flannel shirt. After quickly identifying it as one big bleepitybleepin spider I proceeded to swack, flap, slap and otherwise try to dislodge it from the front of my shirt where it was RACING toward my face. I didn't scream but there was a panicking sound coming from somewhere in the room (ME!). My sweet daughter was watching me with a confused albeit concerned expression on her face. "Did you burn yourself?" She asked as I whipped off my flannel shirt/jacket and proceeded to jump on it. As soon as she saw the wild look in my eye she knew it was not a burn. As I stood there convulsing with the heebiegeebies my sweet daughter just had to know....."What is wrong with you?" Such concern, such sympathy from one so young....NOT! I then explained to her that some time while I was out sitting on the porch, enjoying the evening and minding my own business, the spiders were hatching their plan for revenge. I told her about looking down to find one very large eight legged bandit charging up my front, headed for my face. I was (at the very least) expecting some show of concern, some empathy from my spider fearing child. You wanna know what she said to me? "Are you sure you weren't imagining it? I didn't see anything." So much for empathy, sympathy or any other pathy you can think of. Imagine it.....I think not. That sucker was real and he had revenge on his mind. Well, I never did find that spider. He is somewhere in my house....regrouping, strategizing. Planning to attack when I least expect. I have had nightmares about spiders all week. I am over it! Today I am declaring war on all spiders and I'm bringing the spray INSIDE the house. Oh, I'll get him alright.....and his little dog too!!