My Daughter

This is my baby girl. Today, while driving in the car, I thought about her. I thought about the woman she is and the woman she is becoming. I thought about the road she is on...the really rough road, filled with pot-holes and fiery pits. I thought about what she has learned and what she is still learning. I thought about how hard it has been to sit back and watch her go through these trails. Then I thought about my Mama. How hard it must have been for her to watch me struggle and fall...and eventually pick myself up and stand on my own. And how proud she must have been when I finally had my feet under me. (Mother's Day is coming up, in case you didn't know. I do tend to get a little nostalgic around this time.) But my girl...this woman I am thinking of...my Jo....she amazes me. I don't know if you know this or not but she isn't a huge fan of kids. I know you are thinking, "I wonder where she gets that from". And it is true. She and I have a weird relationship with other people's kids. Not a lot of patience for some...but for others...we can't stay away. Well, Jo, she works at a day care....and LOVES it. She has such a genuine love and patience for these kids. It amazes me. She amazes me. She makes a difference in their lives. She can see their hurt. She can see the kids that don't get the attention at home that she got....that she strained to be released from. She sees now the blessing that it was, to have a Mom that was able and willing to stay home with her and to have a Dad that just wanted so badly to be a part of her life that he drove her crazy. She watches these "day care kids"...you know the type, the kids that spend more time at day care than at home, the kids that long to be held and comforted and will accept that from a stranger as readily as their parent. Her heart breaks for them. She wants them to feel safe and loved, like she did. Isn't that just part of being a kid? So she watches...she gives out hugs when necessary and she also sets appropriate boundaries for them so they learn that she is constant (as constant as anything in their uncertain lives). She loves them and is happy. As I drove in my car today and thought about all these things, I thought my heart would burst. I am so beyond proud of this girl. I am proud that she is so kind and caring....not because I had anything to do with those traits (she inherited them from my Mom), but I am proud because she is who she is. She doesn't let anyone dictate to her how to be. She can be soft and smooshy while being fiercely independent. She is a girl who stands back for a minute and forms her own opinion of a situation before others can sway her to one side or the other. I could go on and on. I am terribly proud of her. Has she made some mistakes? Of course. But she has owned them, paid the penalty bonus and tried to move on. She is learning about grace and love and family while being so far away from home. The distance has allowed her to spread her wings and fly on her own. She is doing such a good job of it too. I won't say that I'm not looking forward to her moving home to start college soon...but now that she knows she can do hard things, there will be no stopping her. I couldn't be more thankful. I have the best kids in the history of ever. My cup runneth over.

After All That

So after the last week of reflection and healing I was feeling pretty good about today. Went to the gym. Been drinking my water. Staying out of the soda. FOUND A DEAD SQUIRREL IN THE TREE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!!! Yeah. I was talking on the phone and all of a sudden I focused in on a peculiar spot. On further inspection I discovered it was a DEAD SQUIRREL looking at me.

It has shifted a bit in the wind (thank goodness???) and is no longer got his beady eye trained on my window. I am sorry I took down those dang blinds now. How do I ignore this freak show??

Oh Mylanta.....will the horrors never end???

The Colors Were Just Right

I found this fabric while the girls and I shopped at the Hobby Lobby in Sioux Falls. I loved everything about it. I couldn't leave it. I tried. But every little thing about it spoke to me. I put yellow with it at first and then orange but ultimately the blue was just right. 

I have been known to add fabric to my stash just because I loved it and let it sit for months (or even longer) but this had a purpose right away. I wanted a spring/summer runner for the book case in my entry. I can't even articulate the emotional response I have when I look at this fabric. I love it. I guess you probably figured that by now.

Have you ever had an emotional response to fabric or color combinations? Tell me I'm not alone here.....

Joy x 3 Weekend

I will just warn you right off...this is a long post with a lot of pictures. I need to get this down while I am still on my emotional high. See...Joy x 3 (my gang) had a Emotional Health Awareness meeting in Sioux Falls, SD this past weekend. It was amazing.

We ate amazing food and laughed. We crafted in our hotel and laughed. We cried and laughed. We drove in circles and laughed. We shopped at Savers and laughed. We took pictures or ourselves in bathrooms and laughed. And we just laughed.

When we get together my self esteem goes up a few notches. I start to believe that I can do whatever it is that I want to do. I feel skinnier and smarter and funnier. I start to walk with my head up and I seem to smile more. I think these women are amazing. I can't even believe I have managed to trick them into being my friends.

I think our joy at being together is contagious. People ask to take our pictures for us. They smile at our antics (mostly because we are freaking hilarious). We are just a happy bunch....together ;)

One of our adventures included finding the elusive cupcake store. Oh My Cupcakes was well worth the effort. When we did find it they were preparing to close up. But they let us stay and enjoy their delicious treats. As they were packing up their cupcakes in to-go boxes we asked them what they do with them all. They told us that normally they sell them as day-old goodies, but since they are closed on Sunday they give out their boxes of left-overs as Random Acts of Kindness on Saturday afternoon.

Well, we jumped ALL over that. Since we (each) did 40 RAK's for my 40th birthday last year we were primed for more fun. We asked if we could help....and they said YES!! It was so fun. We were giddy at the thought. 

Coming up with a game plan was tricky since we didn't really know where to go to spread the cupcake joy. But we decided to jump in the car and just wing it.

Some folks were wary and didn't want a free cupcake. I don't think they trust very many people.

This woman gladly accepted one for herself and one for her hubby. She was so happy to receive something nice. We heard a lot of, "This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done". 

We got a lot of heart-felt thanks and a few..."Who are you with??" To which we happily replied..."Joy x 3" Yes, they were confused.

Just because the firehouse looked closed didn't mean we didn't try. You can't pass up the opportunity to give a fireman a cupcake.

I think he was glad he opened the door. Not everyday three hot chicks are handing out cupcakes.

We finished up at Hobby Lobby (what a coincidence) and decided that since we were there we may as well shop for a bit. We had the most amazing weekend ever. We are so blessed to be able to leave our families and meet in the middle for a weekend of girl time. 

I'll show you our crafts later...for now...I want to bask in the glow of the weekend. The most fun weekend in the history of EVER!!!

A New Coat

The painters are coming today to put a fresh coat of paint on my walls. They are going to be painting all of the gold paint....GRAY!! I am so excited. When we first moved into this house we love love loved the paint colors. But as time has gone on (2 1/2 years) I have realized what a crappy job they did with the painting. It is splochy and thin (needed another coat). The color has lost it's charm for me and if we didn't have super high vaulted ceilings I would have painted it myself by now.

When I started obsessing about the color (an I do mean obsessing...poor Jim) My sweet hubby suggested we take a weekend and paint it ourselves. Sure....except we don't own a ladder tall enough (and he HATES being on any ladder), and I didn't really want to bug him with it (he also HATES to paint!). I asked my friends for some referrals and called a couple. The one we ended up with will do all the prep, buy the paint and paint the whole thing (in about 4 hours) for less than $500!!!

Cue the choir singing and commence the happy dance!! I am pumped!! Best thing to spend our tax return on EVER!! So today will start a whole new look. Now to find some curtains ;) (This feels like a whole new chapter to "If You Give a Pig a Pancake)

Kindness

I found this in a blog I follow. It felt right, right now.
 ( Thanks Glennon)

Excerpt from  Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem..

 Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

…..

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Diversion

Five years ago I was at my Mom's house. I found a book there that I remembered seeing in a bookstore ad...but hadn't heard much about. It was Twilight. Later that week my Mom passed away and I picked up the book. I couldn't sleep and needed a distraction. I read it all night and finished when my Dad was getting up for the day. It was just what I needed to keep my mind numb. The next day I went out and bought the next book in the series. It helped to take the edge off the pain and the anger and the sadness. 

Flash forward five years. It is my Mom's birthday today. I started another book...Beautiful Creatures. It is a story that revolves around a girl with mysterious powers who will be claimed by either the light or the dark on her birthday....February 11th. What are the odds that I would start this book today, February 11th, when it has been sitting in my house for a month. I had the biggest grin on my face. My Mom was sitting next to me, just for a split second, smiling too. I know I'm not alone in this trial. I have amazing friends who look out for me and of course my sweet sisters, who get it. My beautiful family that loves me through the loss and sadness have been amazing. But this year I have been able to draw closer to my Savior. He gets my grief. He has felt it....the way I am feeling it. That has brought me more comfort than I can say. I am better this year than I have been in the last five. I know the week isn't over yet...but I am stronger. I'll just take it as it comes.