The Reality

So this morning we took Kevin to the airport. In theory, I was going to be fine. We had said our "see ya laters" last night after a couple of board games. I know without a doubt that he is doing what he should be doing. But reality hit this morning. Like a ton of bricks to my gut. In our unusual haste to get out the door this morning....I forgot my camera....of course. So I had Jo take a couple of pics with my phone. Not the idea going away pics....but it would do....right? Wrong. As soon as he walked through security and over to the side I could no longer go....it hit me. Those were the last pictures I would get of he and I together FOR 2 YEARS! Idiot!! He looked so grown up, so adult as I waved at him from behind the glass. He mouthed "I love you" and turned to find a seat to wait. I wanted to bang on the glass....WAIT....I'm not finished yet. I need more time.....then reality set in. I am out of time. I did what damage I could and now he is in the Lord's hands....for real. Kevin gave a talk in church on Sunday. He did pretty good. On the way home he pointed out that he was kind of bummer because he had forgotten to say one of the most important things he wanted to mention. I told him to pretend we were back at church and tell us. He said that when he had his first interview to be a missionary back in March, the Stake President asked him why he wanted to go on a mission. At the time he really felt his answer was ok....basically a seminary answer right out of the book. As the months have gone by he has reflected on that question a lot. He wanted to share his new answer with everyone at church. He told us that the reason he chose to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is to give back some of what he has been given. He has realized how lucky he is to know that Jesus Christ is his Savior and that through the Attonement everyone will have the chance to live with our Father in Heaven. He wants to help others build an eternal family like the one he has. He feels so lucky to be able to tell people about the good news in the gosple of Jesus Christ. He went on to say that he would feel very ungrateful if he let this opportunity to serve the Lord slip away. Giving up 2 years of his life, time with his family and time in school, seems like a small price to pay for all that he has been given. wow. I do wish he had shared that in church....but I am so grateful that he shared that with his Dad and sister and I. He is such a great guy. My heart breaks at the thought of dealing without him for 2 years. I will treasure our late night (9 p.m.) talks and our Uno games. I will miss his ability to make me laugh at myself when I am being ridiculous and his sweet and genuine smile. But how can I feel too sorry for myself when he is being so selfless. I will tell you that I have cried....a lot....today. But I do expect it to get easier and I look forward to the New and Improved Kevin that the Lord sends back to me. He was so excited to get his name badge, identifying him as a diciple of Jesus Christ, that I think he would have walked to Provo if it had been required. So, the reality is, I am missing him more than I ever thought possible. But would I change a thing....no.