It's Just Different

Last year was the first Christmas without a phone call from Mom. I had already done one Christmas here in Minnesota without seeing her....but I have always talked to my Mom on Christmas, until last year.....of course. I thought this year would be better. I wouldn't feel the loss so acutely. No such luck. Last year I can compare it to an open wound, seeping it's bloody sorrow into every facet of my day. This year it is more like a freshly scabbed wound, still tender and sore. It doesn't feel any better....just different. I have some cousins that lost their Dad very unexpectedly 2 months ago. I have felt their loss and have assumed I have an idea of how they are feeling. I told them a month ago that next year would be better. I guess I should never assume to know.....until I have lived it. Well, I am living the second Christmas and can tell them now....it doesn't get better.....it just gets different.