I Never Thought.....

I never thought I would be so proud of my kids...but I am. I never thought I would miss so many of the little things that Kevin used to do for me...but I do. I never thought being some one's Mama was such a central part of my being...but it is. I never thought dancing in the kitchen with my teenage son would be something I would long to do....but I do long for it. Mostly I miss his bright 100 watt smile and his quirky sense of humor and they way he can make me relax about the little things that tend to upset me. I don't miss the funky smell emanating from his room. I don't miss the arguments I'd end up in the middle of. I don't miss the car being out of gas....a lot. But I miss being able to talk about the day with him. I miss the details of his life. I am missing out on so many things by not being able to quiz him about it all. He is a terrible letter writer...just to let you all know. He glosses over the events of the day with the skilled hand of a master painter. But, oh...to see his smile or hear his laugh and all would be erased. I know it probably seems a tad dramatic to most of you. He's only in Texas. I get letters or an e-mail about twice a week. I've seen a picture. But to have him near me. Sitting on the couch laughing at our favorite Phineas and Ferb episodes. That seems like heaven to me right now. I miss him. I miss him more than I really thought possible. Usually I can keep busy and go paint something....but on Sunday's when we try to slow down and honor the sabbath day...that's when I notice it the most. The quiet. Then the ache creeps back in....renewed, revived. It's a lot like the way I miss my Mom. I miss her just being there for everyday things. I miss her laugh and her warm gracious way of just being. I miss the way she loved her grandkids. She loved her kids with the same kind of need...the same longing for the details of their lives....never judging....never critical....just wanting to be there. To be involved in the every day miracles was enough for her. I guess that is really what I am missing with Kev. The every day stuff that I took for granted or marked as completely annoying or unimportant. To you, the Mama's of those precious sons...pay attention. Make note of the little things. The things you will miss the most when they grow up and become the men you always knew they could be....the little stuff. And really...isn't it all little stuff??