A Rollercoaster Ride

The last 4 weeks of my life have been the most emotional since 2/14/08. I have had tremendous highs and heart breaking lows. Today in the space of 6 minutes I've had both. The phone rang...not completely unusual. I looked at the caller ID....huh...a Utah number. I knew Kev was flying out to Texas today.....did I dare to hope?? I picked it up. An almost familiar...yet just a bit different...voice exclaimed "MOM!!" I almost fell of my chair. I was so excited to hear that again. My emotions took me through the roof. Turtle Balm to this Mom's soul. "Hey, Bud!!" Was all I could squeak out. Then I pulled it together knowing that he didn't have much time. He asked me about the new 4-wheeler and he told me how much he missed the dogs. He has lost 15 pounds and has already worn through one pair of suit pants. We laughed at some things he's seen and he told me he misses me just a little. Then the pay phone chimed in and he needed to go. I told him that I love him and I would talk......."I love you, Mom." Click. My heart went from the highest heights to a crash landing on my unswept kitchen floor. I guess habit takes over. I'll talk to you later just seems like the right thing....but later means December. On the bright side, I got to talk to my son for the first time in 20 days today. He is doing better than I could have imagined.....better than I could have hoped for. So why am I weeping in a puddle of broken heart? Maybe I'm just not ready to let go of him. When he left 20 days ago I knew he would never really be mine again. His heart now belongs to the Lord and serving Him. And when he comes back....he will find some pretty young thing who will claim his heart forever. While I welcome this for him...I guess I still need time to get used to the idea. Oh, how I love this child of mine. And miss him.....